eunikami

chowdown

there's this chinese-american gut, oops, guy that i work with. i call him chowdown because he loves to eat --and you can tell. he grew up in OC ( that's Orange County) and, incidentally, loves that show. i try not to believe all those asian stereotypes but do anyway and i'm asian too (korean-american, you didn't know) but you have to remember that i grew up in the great midwest back when anything from the far east was considered an anomaly.

a while back, i saw the movie "better luck tomorrow." it was riddled with bad asian stereotypes but also
loosely based on a true story that also took place in OC. of course, i believed the whole story and was intrigued about how asian kids used their geeky smarts to score big money, fancy cars, girls, booze and drugs. the first time i met chowdown, i had my suspicions that he was a gangster. first, he was from OC, the place where the movie took place, second, he always arrived late for work, looking disheveled and tired. too much partying, i thought. third, his car was a lowrider and asian gangs are notorious for driving cars resembling race cars -- at least that's what i was told by some car dealer who went on and on about them when i first moved here and bought my car.

but chowdown never eluded to the fact he was a gangster. i tried to ask him subtle questions about his potentially secret life but he never provided the responses i wanted to hear.

"so, what do you do on the weekend?" i asked him, eager to hear about some crazy tales about roaring parties.

"not much. just play playstation and hang out with my girlfriend."

disappointed, i knew that if i persisted, he would eventually break and spill his whole gangster life to me.

a few days ago, we all attended a work conference at some fancy hotel. i was pooped and starving, having gotten to work early and not eating all day so hoped that the hotel, which was serving free cocktails, would also have some yummy snacks.

chowdown, too, was starving and as the conference let out, i saw him zigzag around the lobby like a lost horse.

"dude, i am so hungry. i need to eat -- anything," chowdown said.

"maybe there are some peanuts at the bar," i told him. i was busy networking and interviewing people and feeling piqued as i was still starving too. then i remembered the herbal cough drops in my bag and as i started to fish one out, chowdown descented.

"dude, they are serving crab cakes and other appetizers," he said with a mouthful of food. "check it out."

i was impressed with chowdown, being able to spot the food so quick. i saw him take a giant swig from his glass.

"what are you drinking?" i asked, thinking perhaps it was some gangster drink, like straight vodka laced with speed.

"it's just a vodka tonic."

hmmm, maybe i was wrong about him. i decided it was a good time to inquire about his covert lifestyle, especially since he was beginning to get tipsy.

"why is your car so low to the ground?"

"dude, it's because i like to be low. plus, when you turn a corner, you have more control --not like those big SUVs."

the answer seemed fair enough. i was feeling brave.

"hey, how come you are always so tardy for work?"

big vodka tonic sip from chowdown.

"dude, i stay up until 3 a.m. every night playing playstation. it's awesome, dude."

ok, i was ready for the final question that would answer all my questions.

"omigod, did you ever see that movie "better luck tomorrow?" what did you think of it? that film took place in OC. was it pretty accurate?"

i studied chowdown as he stuffed another piece of quesadilla into his mouth and slurped from his glass.

"nah, never saw that movie. heard it wasn't too great."

"So," i said, lowering my voice. "you don't know anything about it? you don't know anyone who hangs out in those circles?"

"nah," chowdown said. a waiter came by with some eggrolls and chowdown asked him if there was any seafood in them. "dude, i hate seafood," he said, telling me how his parents had raised koi in their backyard and how one day he overfed them and that most of them had died.

"my dad made me go into the pond and get rid of them with my bare hands," chowdown said. "i've never been able to eat fish since."

hmmm. koi? chowdown being so sensitive about some fishies deaths that he could not eat any of them? chowdown was showing fewer and fewer gangster traits.

the next day chowdown brought in a tiny remote car to the office. he was not as disheveled despite all the alcohol he had drank the night before. he had taken several orange cones from a vendor's table and created an obstacle course for the teeny car. we watched the car whiz around in small perfect circles.

chowdown was no asian gangster.

i'm going to buy chowdown a baby koi.

witch doctor school

i think devoted eunikami fans know that i've been going through a life transition, and that this web site was going to be used to help makeover my life. well, i've been too busy and too pooped to write, and this site has kind of taken a different turn, one that examines the entertaining experiences in my life. but now i'm hoping to get back into the eunikami way of things.

for a while now, i've been thinking about being a witch doctor aka holistic practitioner, but wasn't sure in what respect. i attended an open house a few months ago to be an acupunturist, but decided i would not be able to deal with touching "human specimans." then i went to another open house to be a spiritual counselor, got the application and spoke with admissions people. but the school was too much into god and loving oneself and your neighbor and i just can't like my neighbors because they leave their big trash cans in front of my car every thursday. in the meantime, i also thought about being a yoga instructor but just couldn't fathom wearing yoga outfits 24/7. so, i found this other school that was extremely nontraditional --each class starts out with qi gong exercises. the school is new, disorganized and questionable -- but it called out to me.

On monday, (yes, three days ago) the dean called to let me know that i had been accepted into the program. yippee! i would begin the graduate program, gulp, the next day.

so the next day, i went. as i walked to the classroom, i heard some students walking behind me, badmouthing some program and saying how they were planning on dropping out. hmm, what program could that be, i wondered, and then heard a woman spit out the dean's name.

oh no, i thought. i made a grave, grave mistake. i went into the class freaked out and wondered if i could get my 2 grand back. we sat in the class and did qi gong exercises, i panicked, thinking i could still try and enroll in USC or UCLA for the fall. there was a guest lecturer who was planning to teach us healing techniques. i was suspicious of her healing techniques, too, thinking she was some new age freak as i looked at her draped in a big red shawl. but then she began telling us stories of all the people she had healed, people who were in wheel chairs and could now walk, people who were blind but could now see, people who had cancer but were now diease-free. she said that often people had been hung or strangled would have red lines under their neck. and people would often exude odors from certain addictions or traumas in their life. wow, that's amazing i thought.

then she announced that we would be practicing our technique on one another.

what? i just started the class -- i wasn't a healer. i didn't know what was going on. i barely found parking. scared, i went up to the healer.

"hi, this is my first night of class. i don't know what's going, i don't think i'm qualified to heal."

she looked at me, her face red and sweating as she said when it was time to heal, she always got hot.

"don't worry, you'll be fine. don't get it done to you but work on someone else," she said.

still whigged out, i paired up with another student. moe was nice and patient and told me not to worry. so we all engaged in the healing technique. the healer said that people would start to discolor, cry, scream and cough but to just let it go -- and let them go. she had brought pillows and blankets so their cries would be muffled.

so i waited for a few minutes -- nothing. well of course not, i thought to myself, i'm not a healer.

but moe's nose started to change color. it was turning black.

i raised my hand in the air and frantically waved for the healer.

"omigod, his nose is turning black!" i whispered loudly.

"oh yes, it is. and look at his neck-- it's black too. he's suffered some major trauma."

soon Moe's eyes were black. and his legs seemed to be nailed to the floor.

"he's magnetized," the healer said. "there's some internal work going on in there."

but moe was not that much of a spectacle compared to other students. three girls were wailing and sobbing and screaming.

"just go through it, just go through it," the healer told the crybabies. "you need to release it."

one woman was sobbing so hard, she started to hiccup and soon was whimpering and then crying like a little baby. her face was streaked with black makeup.

"poor thing," the healer told her, stroking her back. "you've been through some rough, rough times."

i started to smell something funky. it was moe. he was exuding a weird odor that i couldn't describe. the healer came over and started to sniff him as well.

"he smells like a saloon," she said. "but look at that white light under his neck--he's starting to heal."

yes, it appeared that the black neck was fading. i started to put all of moe's face discolorations and funky smell together. oh, maybe he had been in a rough and tumble bar brawl and that's why his face was all bruised. or maybe had been abused by his parents. or maybe i needed new contacts.

after 45 minutes, everyone started to come out of the trance. moe suddenly sat up and plopped himself on the stool. after he emerged from the state, i asked him how he felt.

"great," he said. he said that he could hear everything that i said, including the comment about his black nose, and that he had felt some internal pangs, but otherwise felt great.

the rest of the class was glowing like they had been enlightened or something. all the bawling women were now calm with angelic smiles on their faces. i looked around stunned.

next week it's my turn. i'm wearing waterproof mascara just in case.